i remembered the initial plan.

the initial plan failed. i knew it would.

my fucking fore arm hurts.

i forgot i’d burned it until i lent on it and now it’s just staying in pain.

big dirty great red mark.

i hate how everyone seems to come to me when they cut.

jess did, that hurt so much, and i used to try and turn away so i didn’t have to look at them, but they were always in my vision, like something in a nightmare, but i couldn’t move cause i didn’t want to not be next to her, i tried to kiss them better once but it didn’t work. i mean of corse i’m glad she did, but the things i would do for her to of not ever cut.

and kath, i could see it happening, i knew it was going to be the same thing and i couldn’t handle it.

and now it’s starting with megan, and i realy don’t want to talk toher about it because it hurts but i have to, i can’t just leave her, that’d be worse.

and now the one person who doesn’t talk to me about it anymore is the one person i want to, i want to know she’s okay, or if she’s not how i can help.

i want to tell her i burn myself, because even cutting brings back bad memories, i want to tell her how i held than iron against my fore arm, and wheni took it off my skin was all white, and a tear fell on the iron and it went tss and made me jump so i dropped it.

i want to feel how i did before, when i was better, when i was over you. but now i’m back, it’s horrible. kath says it does this, but if it’s going to do it again i dno’t think it’s worth gtting over you. i think i’d rather just curl up in the corner and die.